Today is my own anniversary - well, one of them! As a celebrant myself I knew that for my wedding day I wanted a celebrant-led ceremony, and know that whilst a wedding is generally a celebration of a marriage it doesn't have to be the day that marriage starts. Since celebrant-led weddings are not currently legally binding, this, as a non-religious couple in England and Wales, left us with a few options:

Only have a celebrant-led ceremony and not get legally married.
Book a registrar-led ceremony on the same day as our celebrant ceremony (whether at a different location with a time gap or the same venue rolling one into the other).
Book a registrar-led ceremony on a different date to the celebrant ceremony.

In my time as a celebrant I’ve worked with couples across all three choices. Some only have a commitment ceremony and choose to not get legally married, others have had a registry office ceremony in the morning and then travelled to the wedding location for the ceremony I conducted and the party, one had a registrar-led ceremony at their wedding venue where I sat with the guests and then I stood up and took over once the registrars were finished. And finally there are the couples who chose the same option I did, where they separated the legal and wedding sides of the marriage onto different days.

Today is our legal marriage anniversary, with our wedding anniversary being in two days time. It is the latter that we will celebrate over the years more so than today, but this seems a good opportunity to share my experience and the options open to couples who might not realise that for your wedding you can do what you want, and it doesn’t have to involve legal paperwork if you don't want it to!

Legal day photo by Kirsty Rockett

Big wedding day photo by Kirsty Rockett

What we chose to do for our legal day

Now to some people, what we did for our legal day might be the ideal wedding day and they’d not want to do anything more. We invited only close friends and family to the ceremony that involved only the legally required aspects - no personal vows or rings, as we saved them for the wedding day - followed by afternoon tea at Josephine’s which is one of our favourite places in Nottingham.

I was surprised how nervous I was, putting it down to the stress of getting the legal steps right, but it did mean that on our main wedding day the nerves weren’t as high as I was expecting. Booking an appointment to give notice was honestly the most stressful part of my own wedding journey (it involved multiple phone calls, for something that in late 2022 could very easily have been an automated online booking platform!), so having the legal weight done and dusted made one less stress on the wedding day - including the short individual chat each person has to have with the registrars before the ceremony, which didn't take long but I didn’t want them eating into the schedule of the big wedding day.

We still dressed up, though I did my own hair and make-up, and we still had the amazing Kirsty Rockett capturing our memories (including the fake signature, because you cannot photograph the actual signatures). For us it was the perfect legal day; getting a chance to still mark the occasion but not taking too much from our budget or anything really special from the main wedding day! Additional things we’d not have gotten by having it all on the same day included Jack getting to do his own aisle walk entrance with his parents and my moment waiting at the end, and I got to make a wedding dress without the pressure of it being The Wedding Dress. I also then had a short dress that was easy to move in for the disco at the end of our big wedding day, which I’d perhaps not have set the time aside for otherwise! Also the legal ceremony took place next to a park, so we got to play on that for a bit afterwards. What more could you want?!

Photo by Kirsty Rockett

Photo by Kirsty Rockett, and your sign to play at a park!

Our big wedding day

Our legal day took place on a Friday. We had the Saturday to pick up signs, finish details, sort the chocolate wedding favourites, pack up and journey closer to our venue of Holmewood Hall for the main wedding day on the Sunday. I loved the extra time I got to spend with my friends between the two wedding days, even if it was a little stressful with sorting the last minute DIY bits and pieces!

Our wedding day was then exactly how we wanted it to be. We had hair and make-up in the morning, over to the bridal suite for final touches and getting dressed, then the wonderful personalised ceremony by Hazel. My turn for the aisle walk entrance! The ceremony included Hazel telling our love story, our ring exchange and personal vows, and we also included a handtying. We chose to use eight ribbons - one for each of the party members in Final Fantasy XIV, in the colours of the three roles - enough for us to each lay one and the three members of our wedding party from either side. The wedding day had closer to 60-70 people for the day time, so all of our friends and family could attend. Our big day also had the speeches as part of the meal, rather than on the legal day, since it made sense to be here with all of our family and friends present and celebrating with us on our wedding day.

Photo by Kirsty Rockett

Photo by Kirsty Rockett of our handtying.

Photo by Kirsty Rockett

A year later I am still so happy with the wedding we had, and splitting up the legal aspect to its own day worked perfectly for us. It will not work for everyone, but if you think it might work for you and you have any other questions about my experience do let me know! Obviously I might be slightly biased to working a celebrant-led ceremony in there somewhere, but being on both sides I feel I’m well placed to help you figure out the best wedding day(s) for you. If nothing else I hope this little blog post rambling about my own experience has brought you that bit closer to knowing what you might want for your own wedding.